I have lately been considering why God has lead me to this particular place in my life. Several years ago I was invited to speak at many youth retreats, Gospel meetings and church activities. I spoke in front of congregations of hundreds and ministered on a campus of thousands of Christians. During my senior year at that Christian university, I became profoundly ill with bipolar disorder. This led to medications, hospitalizations, suicide attempts, self-injury and a great amount of suffering and emotional pain.When I "came out" about being affected with mental illness, my speaking opportunities changed. Part of this was being in a different circle of people, but part of it, I believe was that I was being honest and open about a subject that most people were not willing to face in my conservative religious world. No longer was I speaking to congregations of hundreds but rather small gatherings of 10-15 in support group meetings. No longer was I being given awards for being "the student who most personifies the example of Jesus," I felt like I was literally becoming the hands and feet of Jesus in the the everyday ministry I was providing to the hurting, broken people with which I was dealing. God had broken me down, taken every shred of pride I had, but had, in due course, given me a new ministry. I was no longer a poster child or super boy preacher, I was a worker, a minister, a servant. God blessed me with a great congregation to support me, great new friends in this new work and a supportive family. We are still growing in this ministry of reconciliation, but God is hopefully being glorified through all He is doing in us and through us.
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