Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Wait or Weight?

For the last several years, due largely to the medications I take, I have gained weight.  A LOT of weight.  I was, just four years ago, a clean-cut (if not gaunt) 165 lbs.  Today, I have added almost 100 lbs. to that skinny frame.  My mind is more clear than it was then, but my body is a bit of a wasteland.  It is not only the weight gain that bothers me; it is the constant commenting on it by others.  Most of it is meant in fun, of course, but I am actually quite self-conscious about it.  Most people don't know the medical side of it; they just see the physical result.  I do realize that I could do many things to improve my situation.  Diet, exercise and a more active lifestyle would all do a great deal of good.  The only downside to those solutions is that each day is still a struggle to have the energy to simply get up, shower, dress and do the required business of the day.  I may seem better (I am not in the hospital, I am not having hallucinations, I am not self-harming, etc.), but I am still not well.  I am improving, but I am cautious about any dramatic changes in lifestyle.  I would love to lose weight, but I much prefer having a stable mind and if that packs on the pounds due to the medications, I'll take it.

blessings,
-Will

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